I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
