is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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