They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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