I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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