Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
