the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
