Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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