I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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