He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
