I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
