I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
