Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if only i could text you this smell
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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