This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
