OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
