My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize