How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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