I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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