Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
