I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
