Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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