i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
