Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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