i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
