Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
