He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
