my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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