I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
