dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
