I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
