These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
