I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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