You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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