You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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