Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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