I only kidnapped one of them. chill
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
