it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
