you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
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Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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