Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
