what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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