I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
