woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I fill condoms, not promises.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Randomize
