First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
