she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thank you for not boning my boss.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
