He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
