That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
