I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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