fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
