at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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