i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
