I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
