Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
A bitchslap is in order.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
