True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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