hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
