he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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