Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize