The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
