hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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