I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
