This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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