i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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