i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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