I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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