Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
