Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
