Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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