U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
