i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
