I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
