Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
