So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
